Words of Her Past
by caitymae1992
Summary: Artemis had never been good with putting her feelings into words. She could write an amazing research paper, but she could never write her feelings. So when she was asked to write a poem for AP Literature that explained the deepest feelings of love, hate, fear and pain, you could say she was a little bit flustered.


So...yeah...I literally worked all day on this. OMG you have no idea how proud I am of this. =) Sorry in advance if there are typos. I didn't really check over it. =) Reviews are welcome!

I'm warning you because there is child abuse, sexual themes, language, and stuffs.

Happy Reading!

* * *

_Artemis had never been good with putting her feelings into words. She could write an amazing research paper, but she could never write her feelings. So when she was asked to write a poem for AP Literature that explained the deepest feelings of love, hate, fear and pain, you could say she was a little bit flustered. _

She didn't even know why she was taking AP Lit in the first place. She was smart, but not in English. Artemis Crock was good at science and learning different languages that did not consist of poetry. So that is what brought her to this point, sitting in the Cave's library staring at a blank sheet of paper.

"Uhhhgg!" Artemis groaned and slapped her hands against the desk.

"So, are you having it out with the desk?" A voice spoke up from behind her.

Artemis turned around and saw her boyfriend leaning against a bookshelf in his Kid Flash costume. She smiled at him and cocked an eyebrow, "Not that I mind or anything, but why are you in costume? We're off this weekend."

Wally smiled and pushed himself off of the shelf, "Babe, crime doesn't stop on the weekends." He grinned at her eye roll and placed his hands on her shoulders. "I had to do some damage control with Flash."

"Was it a fun time?" Artemis leaned her head back and stared up into his bright emerald eyes.

"Absolutely," Wally bent down and kissed her in an upside down kiss. Artemis smiled into the lip lock and grazed her tongue against his bottom lip. Wally chuckled, "Nope," he straightened his back and smiled down at her frown, "You have school work."

"My damn school work is such a cock block!" Artemis groaned and let her head fall to the table.

"What are you supposed to do?" Wally asked as he sat in the chair next to her.

"I have to write a poem about feelings and shit."

Wally outright laughed, "Well, good luck with that," he smiled and started to lean away as if to get up.

Artemis smacked the back of his head, "Wally! You're an idiot."

"Babe do you really want my help?" His gaze held laughter.

"No. You'll only distract me." She smiled back.

"Whatever do you mean by the word, distract?" The redhead placed his hand on her thigh and licked his lips.

Artemis groaned and slapped his hand away, "You know exactly what I mean. Now go and eat the Cave or something and leave me alone," She shooed him with her hands.

"Okay. But I'll be back and if there isn't anything on that paper I'll sit here naked and not let you touch me," Wally smiled and sped away before his girlfriend's shoe hit him.

Artemis heard the small thump of her shoe on the door and smiled. She looked down at the desk with a scowl. Like she was expecting for it to be written for her while she was talking with Wally.

"I don't have feelings," She whispered to the page. "Feelings make a person weak. The make you sound lame. Fucking feelings are what got my mom in her damned wheelchair."

"Do you normally talk to yourself?" A familiar voice sounded from in front of her.

Artemis looked up and smiled as she saw Tula smiling at her. Aquagirl joined the team not too long ago, maybe a few months after Robin became Nightwing and Jason took up the Robin mantel.

"Hey, Tula."

"May I ask what is bothering you? Maybe I can offer some help?"

"I just have to write a poem for school and I can't figure out how to start it."

Tula, smiled and sat across from her, "Did your instructor require a topic?"

Artemis nodded, "Yeah, it has to have the emotions of love, fear, pain and hate."

"Well," the ocean dweller pondered, "Maybe you can consider writing the words and putting people or things into categories, then write why they belong in that specific category." She smiled at Artemis, happy with her suggestion.

"You know, that's not a bad idea," Artemis wrote the four emotions and underlined them, "Thanks."

"You are very welcome," Tula stood up and smiled at Artemis, "Now I must go meet M'gann, she is going to teach me how to make crab cakes."

Artemis said her good lucks and promised Tula that she wouldn't stress over her homework so much. When she was all alone again she stared at the page with determination. She looked at the first word, love, and pondered it. She finally brought her pen down and wrote one word, a name to be exact, Wally. She smiled down at the silly stupid name then wrote some more by it.

_I love the way he says my name  
__when I see him in the mornings.  
__I love the way he looks at me  
__whenever he's being annoying._

_I love the way he kisses me  
__whenever I start to cry.  
__I love him so much even if  
__I don't know the reasons why._

_He may be an idiot sometimes,  
__but that's alright with me.  
__Because even though he acts immature,  
__he does it to make me happy._

Artemis smiled at her small accomplishment and set off on the next word, fear. She stared at the word for a great amount of time. There aren't many things that she's afraid of.

* * *

_Artemis sat and thought of one time when she was younger about six years old. Her mother was gone, out on a mission with Jade. Artemis was sitting in her room reading Alice in Wonderland to herself. She had a small stutter and her sister told her that the only way to get rid of it was to read out loud to herself. She didn't even hear her bedroom door open until the book was plucked from her little hands. He stood over her, an evil smile on his face._

_"You sound terrible. This book is terrible."_

_"'m sorry daddy. I'm t...trying to sound b…better."_

_"What? You keep on repeating the words. Apologize like a normal person." He lifted an eyebrow, daring her to start crying._

_"S…sorry, Daddy. I…I-" She let out a yelp when he hit her on the arm with the book._

_"Why can't you be like your sister? Huh?" He hit her again, "She can talk like a normal person. You sound terribly stupid. Talking like you're a coward." The corner of the book hit her little arm next, "You really think you're gonna get somewhere in life with that stuttering of yours?" He stopped hitting her, "Now. I'm going to tell you one more time. Apologize to me like a normal little girl."_

_Artemis swallowed and her lip quivered, "I'm sorry, Daddy."_

_Lawrence Crock nodded, threw the book on the floor and slapped her on the same arm, "I better not hear you stutter again. If you do you're going the belt."_

_"Yes, sir." And with a slam of the door, she watched him leave her bedroom._

_That was the last time she stuttered._

* * *

_It scares me when he shouts my name,  
__whenever I did something that took too long.  
__It scared me when he hit me,  
__whenever I did something that was wrong._

_He scared me when he told me,  
__to never ever cry.  
__It scares me when I do,  
__and he is the reason why._

_His harshness scares him with pride,  
__but it fills me with shame.  
__I believe he does not feel any love,  
__and that only brings me pain._

Artemis set her pen down and stared at the second part. She swallowed, picked up her things and walked out of the library.

Walking into the kitchen she saw Wally chatting with M'gann, Tula mixing some ingredients into a bowl, Kaldur was pretending to listen to Wally and trying not to stare at Tula's small form, and Nightwing was explaining to Superboy the importance of having smiled to herself as she passed her team.

The newest members, she observed, were in the television room watching Robin and Mal duke it out on Super Smash Brothers; Robin was winning.

She thought she was going to make it to her room without anyone noticing her when Wally caught her eye; he raised an eyebrow as if to ask if she finished. Artemis shook her head and held up the paper in response, pointing towards the rooms. Her boyfriend nodded his head and smiled at her. That's when she felt another pair of eyes on her.

Artemis turned her head to see Nightwing looking at her questioningly. In response, she pointed to Wally and did a few good pelvic thrusts. Nightwing chuckled and turned back to Superboy, who in turn had his eyes widened at Artemis in horror. In which she laughed and turned away toward the rooms, but not before seeing a small crinkle in Superboy's eyes.

When Artemis closed her bedroom door she relished in the silence and comfort of her bedroom in the Cave. Sure it was all rock and no natural sunlight, but it was full of good memories and happiness. That's what she needed after those memories of her father stirred in her mind. She lay on her bed with her stomach on the mattress and looked on to her third word, pain.

* * *

___Artemis remembered the time she lost her virginity_; she was fourteen and Cameron Mahkent was cute. Cam understood her, understood her pain. Knew that she was hurt by her father and knew that she missed her mother. She told him everything and she thought he did the same. 

_So when he came to her house, while her father was out on business, they watched a movie; part of a movie. Artemis Crock had always been busy learning how to kick ass, so she had never had time for boys. _

_It started when he put his arm around her shoulders, which he had done this before; for consoling only. She smiled to herself, because she'd be lying if she said that she didn't develop a crush on Cam. He pulled her closer and she laid her head against his chest. _

_Being the naïve thirteen year old she was, Artemis let him pull her in for a kiss; her first kiss. It was perfect, she had thought. She really didn't know what she was doing, but she was always a fast learner. _

_So when he ran his hands over her thigh and pushed her down on the couch, she let him. He touched her more and pushed her shirt up. She was so torn between wanting him to stop, because she would get in trouble from her father and wanting him to keep on going, because she wanted to disobey him at the same time._

_"Artemis," he whispered her name with lust. She thought it was love; she really did, "Artemis, up. Please." She didn't realize what he was asking until he tugged on her shirt for emphases. She swallowed her nervousness and obliged._

_Soon all of their clothing was removed and he broke through. And after when she had wanted him to hold her, he left. He had used her and left her in her confused broken state._

_He had said, "You really thought that was supposed to mean something? Artemis, I'm the son of a major villain. I'm evil. Being the daughter of Sportsmaster, you should know when you're being used, seeing that he uses you to do his dirty work and all. He fucks you over, just like how I fucked you over, literally. Now do you understand everything I've been telling you? Never trust a villain. We're not your friends just because we're on the same side."_

_She then promptly shot at him with her arrows until he was down the street. After that was over and she was inside her house again, she walked to the bathroom and turned on the shower. She undressed and stepped into the scalding water she reached her hand up by the small window and grabbed a hidden razor blade. Artemis hated crying, because crying made you weak. So she learned to ease pain in her mind by creating pain on her flesh. After she cleaned herself up and got dressed and moved into her room to do some school work._

* * *

Artemis started writing, words were flowing out of her pen and on to the page.

_It pains me when I think of it,  
__because I was so stupid then.  
__Pain came so easily all I had to do was,  
__use the blade to cut and mend._

_The pain in my mind subsided when,  
__the blade kissed my skin.  
__It wasn't until after I bled,  
__that I realized I was just a kid._

_Its kiss burned a trail of jagged lines,  
__but it wasn't until late.  
__That those painful scars on my arms,  
__were reminders of my hate._

Artemis dropped her pen and pushed her sleeves up. Her fingers traced over the markings on her wrists. She remembered the last time she cut her arms.

* * *

_It was after Wally had called her selfish and insecure when she was fifteen. When she came to training the next day Canary grabbed her wrist while sparing and she winced. When she asked Artemis what happened Artemis had lied and said she sprained her wrist during the mission._

_"Well, why isn't it wrapped in a brace?" Canary raised her eyebrow._

_"I didn't have any at home and I just forgot when I got here."_

_"Well, let's go to the infirmary and wrap it up then. Come on." Canary started to walk out of the room, leaving the others to spar alone._

_"Canary, I'll be fine. I don't need a brace." Artemis started to panic._

_"I said, come on," Canary looked back at Artemis, "Now."_

_Artemis swallowed a lump in her throat and went after her to the infirmary. When they arrived Canary instructed her to take her gloves off. When Artemis refused Canary threatened to call Batman and her mother. Artemis pleaded that if Canary didn't call anyone she would take off her gloves. Canary nodded and motioned for her to remove the gloves._

_When she did Canary told her to remove the gauze, when she did Canary stared in confusion at the scars that lay underneath. "Artemis," she whispered with sadness, "Why would you ever do something like this?"_

_Artemis looked away, "I would rather see blood than tears," was all Artemis said as she started to sob._

* * *

_I hate the scars on my wrists,  
__because they're a reminder of all the times I didn't cry.  
__I hate the scars on my heart,  
__even if I don't know the reason why._

_I hate the fact that,  
__he has seen every scar on my body.  
__I hate the fact even with those,  
__he still loves me._

_I hate every single problem that I have ever come across,  
__even though I have risen above.  
__I hate that you see something special in me,  
__but that is something about myself that I love._

When she finished she stared at her paper. Looking through the words on the page she smiled to herself. _I did a pretty awesome job. Good job Artemis. You deserve a pat on the back._ So she did just that.

"You're patting yourself on the back. What did I ever see in you?"

Artemis turned around and saw Wally standing in her doorway smirking, "You just want me for the sex."

"That is a very great part of our relationship," he walked up to her bed and lay on top of her.

"Ahh, gosh! Get off of me Kid Hefty!" She laughed twisting over so she straddled his waist.

"Now look who's on top," he smiled up at her and reached behind him, "So, this is it then." He stared at the paper. There were words literally all over the place. Sentences scattered across the page. Things were crossed out, some were circled. "Well, Arty, I know that some poems create pictures and stuff, but I can't seem to figure out what this is supposed to be."

Artemis rolled her eyes and snatched the paper from him, "I have everything written, but I don't know what order I should put it in."

"Let me see it again," His palm lay open.

Artemis bit her lip and handed it to him. She watched as his eyes moved back forth, analyzing the words, drinking them in. When he was done he looked into her eyes and pulled her face down to his and kissed her with so much passion that she was breathless.

"Babe…" He looked into her ever changing eyes, "Babe, this is beautiful."

Artemis blushed, "Thank you," she leaned forward and kissed him again her hair showering him in golden strands, "But there's still the problem of how to arrange it."

Wally looked at it again an reached his hand back on her bed. He placed the paper against her leg and scrawled something on it. When he pulled away he gave it to Artemis.

"Like that?"

"Yeah."

"You sure it'll flow?"

"Mmhmm."

"Okay."

Two years later, Wally was ruffling through her drawers needing to see something of hers, because well, he missed her. He never wanted her to go on this mission, but it was her choice and he couldn't tell her what to do. It was then he came across a folded envelope. He unfolded it and opened to see what lay inside. What he found was a paper with an 'A+' circled in red. He read the contents of the page and smiled.

When she came back unharmed and saw that poem laminated and hanging on the fridge she didn't ask why. She just leaned against the kitchen counter and read it as he kissed and felt his way down her skin.

_Fear, Pain, Hate and Love_

_It scares me when he shouts my name,  
__whenever I did something that took too long.  
__It scared me when he hit me,  
__whenever I did something that was wrong._

_He scared me when he told me,  
__to never ever cry.  
__It scares me when I do,  
__and he is the reason why._

_His harshness fills him with pride,  
__but it fills me with shame.  
__I believe he does not feel any love,  
__and that only brings me pain._

_It pains me when I think of it,  
__because I was so stupid then.  
__Pain came so easily all I had to do was,  
__use the blade to cut and mend._

_The pain in my mind subsided when,  
__the blade kissed my skin.  
__It wasn't until after I bled,  
__that I realized I was just a kid._

_ Its kiss burned a trail of jagged lines,  
__but it wasn't until late.  
__That those painful scars on my arms,  
__were reminders of my hate._

_I hate the scars on my wrists,  
__because they're a reminder of all the times I didn't cry.  
__I hate the scars on my heart,  
__even if I don't know the reason why._

_I hate the fact that,  
__he has seen every scar on my body.  
__I hate the fact even with those scars,  
__he still loves me._

_I hate every single problem that I have ever come across,  
__even though I have risen above.  
__I hate that you see something special in me,  
__but that is something about myself that I love._

_I love the way he says my name  
__when I see him in the mornings.  
__I love the way he looks at me  
__whenever he's being annoying._

_I love the way he kisses me,  
__whenever I start to cry.  
__I love him so much even if  
__I don't know the reasons why._

_He may be an idiot sometimes,  
__but that's alright with me.  
__Because even though he acts immature,  
__he does it to make me happy._

_-Artemis Crock_


End file.
